Wednesday, November 14, 2007

meaninglessness and dread

I'm stuck in this melancholic mood for some days now. Going back to work today simply made it worse. Attended a meeting on next yr's credit card budget...Did my appraisal with boss....Cleared the spate of emails in my inbox, a result of 2 days of leave. The events were overall not unpleasant actually, just that my mood got into me and i ponder over the meaninglessness of the events: this little rat race of 'meeting targets' is somewhat a dread for me.

To this i ask myself: would these have mattered when i'm 80 years old and dying? Otherwise then, what would have mattered? What will be something i hope to have achieved or be proud of?

on top of my list would be to love and be loved - and spent quality time with my loved ones and friends. And to love the unlovable.

and secondly, to gain wisdom, understanding and knowledge.

then again, have i taken for granted that i'll live till 80? (life expectancy) have i forgotten that i have no control over the sands of time?

i remembered the first time i visited a cancer patient, mrs tan, as part of my volunteer ministry. what struck me most was how fragile and unpredictable life is! A month ago she was just thinking that she had a minor cough, and a month later she found out she had last stage lung cancer.

let us not take what we cannot predict for granted, but live each day as if it's the last - in this, we'll treasure and use it for what truly matters to us the most. every additional breath we take is in itself a blessing from God, and something we should thank God for :)

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